Being His Safe Place

People fall into one of two categories according to the Bible, they're either righteous or unrighteous. In the book of proverbs we see both righteous and unrighteous women presented in great detail. The behavior of each are laid before us so, that we are made to clearly understand what scripture is talking about. A silly woman verses the wise one is seen throughout the Bible as well as life. Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil, what does this mean exactly? And could it have anything to do with why marriages fail majority of the time? Let's dive in and find out. The first thing to know about the hardships of marriage is the curse that is over the marriage from the fall of mankind in Genesis 3.

The fall of mankind is rightfully laid on Adam to bear for God gave Adam the command and it was his responsibility to protect all that God had given him. He failed to do this because he stood by and watched as his wife was deceived. He willfully sinned against God by partaking in the fruit and then playing the blame game laying it all at God's feet as if somehow it was God's fault for giving him the woman. Eve was deceived by the serpent. This shows us that sin is either willful or deceitful. We willingly do it or we are beguiled to do it. The curse says that women would desire to rule over their husband's and not be able to do so. Many women have no idea why they crave control just as many men don't understand why they have a hard time finding a good wife. The two are at war with one another until they submit themselves before God and to one another. With that said how then can a woman cause her husbands heart to safely trust in her if she's at war with him?

She submits to God, she humbles herself to her husband and submits to the power over her as God has seen fit to place in the order in which pleased Him. In doing this she can become that proverbial woman if not she will be the silly woman that tears down her own home. Scriptures paint a beautiful picture of a wife as a shelter, a safe haven or safe place for her husband. This is God's design for marriage. She is not just a partner but a source of peace, strength, and unwavering love. In this safe space, a husband is built up, not broken down, and the home becomes a reflection of God’s love. Proverbs 31:11 shows that her presence brings trust, security and benefit to her husband. In this safe haven he is able to grow, rest and thrive emotionally, spiritually and materially. This shows a deep emotional, relational, and practical trust. The husband feels secure in her integrity, judgment, loyalty, and her ability to manage the household, as well as, govern relationships wisely. Her actions contribute to the well-being, prosperity, and stability of their household. She enhances his life rather than detracting from it. There are four areas I want to point out that allows a husbands heart to trust safely in his wife and have no need of spoil.

The first one is the call for stability and support. A woman by her words or actions builds a man or tears him down. His self esteem needs to be healthy if he is expected to be the provider that God has created him to be. Without confidence in his own ability to trust and rely on his creator he will not do well in life. Some women tear down their husband by constantly comparing him to another man. You should never compare him to anyone other than Christ. food for thought why are we comparing him to a man that is no longer apart of your life, a man that left you in most cases and refused to marry you? Yet somehow we find it alright to belittle the one that stayed, the one that married us the one that gets up and goes to work everyday to a job he most likely does not like to provide for a household that is not supporting him. The stability that should be given covers him spiritually, relationally, mentally, emotionally and she offers stability in their legacy by ensuring protection over the vision for their lives through her prayers. A silly woman emasculates a man while a wise one encourages him to stand in all that the Most High has called him to.

Secondly, honor and respect. One of the most precious ways a woman can honor and respect her husband is by not correcting him in public in an ill intended manner. Example lets say he is telling a group of friends about something that happened on a trip and he gets the details wrong. there are three things that can happen one you can keep quiet two you can lovingly insert what happened by saying something like oh babe you remember it was such and such. Both of these are respectful the disrespect comes when you decide your better at telling what happened because you remember all the details and he doesn't. You then open your mouth in a rude way that is not what happened let me just tell you what actually happened he is all wrong. In this moment your calling him out, its rude and unnecessary. Saying something like you always tell that story wrong I don't know why you bother with bring it up. He's not a child for you to scold.

Third, relational security. With relational security your husband can rest well in knowing that you will not speak ill of him behind his back, he can trust that you know how to defend him if and when needed. Your not going behind his back gossiping about him , what he is or isn't doing or his ability to get it done. He doesn't have to worry about your loyalty, faithfulness or you disrespecting your bond with him. The best example I can give here is what is spoken after sex should be sacred and anything shared with us should never be brought up again in any kind of negative light especially not in an argument. Some women take what was told to them in these moments and use them against their man this is dangerous because you're causing him to no longer trust you. He will pull away and you will wonder why. When he does return he is very different, you will never have that opportunity to hurt him again. It's strange that they actually want leave but really understand for better or worse.

Lastly there is emotional safety. Emotional safety is about giving him a place he can be vulnerable free of judgement. Many times when a man is vulnerable with a woman she looses respect for him, belittles him and begins to betray him. She no longer sees him as someone she can love or trust or respect. This leads to cutting him off emotionally which usually leads to a decline sexually and that creates a whole world of problems. Many times a woman will cut her man off emotionally because she feels bored, she feels incomplete or is struggling with regret over loosing herself in her marriage and now she has no idea who she is anymore. When we create that safe haven for him he will see to it that you do the things you are designed to do naturally. This is usually because he understands all that you give him he knows to keep that coming you need to be unapologetically you and being lost in your marriage is not the way he continues to get the safe haven she creates. So by default he will rise to the occasion and make sure that she is involved in the things that will best serve her.

Proverbs 31:11 shows that a trustworthy wife brings peace and stability through her ability to be respectful, loyal and faithful. She listens, encourages, and becomes a refuge from life’s pressures. She offers comfort and calm in her words, presence, and actions that builds his confidence and creates a relationship of mutual honor. Give this one thing to a man and he will give you all that your heart could wish for. So, could it be that we have been taught to tear down our homes with our own hands or is it the curse bring confusion over our minds. When two hearts come together to live out a kingdom agenda in their marriage to build legacy they not only submit to God but to one another knowing that the curses will bring with them death, destruction and distractions this knowledge causes them to mutually provide for each other. Remember marriage is about servitude its not about getting what you want but giving all of yourself that is needed for the other to grow in the Lord.