Testing the Spirits Before Marriage

We test the spirit by watching a person to see if they are aligned with God's Word, we are to discern who influences them. Are they being self guided, guided by God or another spirit? We examine their fruit (Mtt.7:16-20) and we evaluate how they walk in truth, humility and love. In 1 Jn 4:1 we are told to test the spirits whether they are of God because many false prophets are gone out into the world. If we are to test the spirits when it comes to the things of God how much more should we readily test the spirits of a person we hope to spend the rest of our lives with? How would one test them? What things can we do or say to make sure we are not dealing with a wolf in sheep's clothing? If you ever been disappointed in love you know exactly why these questions are being raised. We live in a time that people want what belongs to others, the enemy sends counterfeits to hinder your walk with God and we struggle from past hurts in some cases. We tend to see how others that are married are mistreated and it makes us say to ourselves I'd rather stay single if that's what I'm getting. Lets dive into ways we can test the spirits of each other before asking Holy Spirit if this person is our spouse.

One of the first things you can look for is doublemindedness. James 1:8 says “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Are they the same when they think you aren't watching? Do they walk in integrity or adapt based on who’s around? Ask about their prayer life, decisions when no one is watching, and past choices. Does their life align with their words? How do they treat others that cant do anything for them? We can also test their response to correction or conviction. Proverbs 12:1 says that Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish. Do they humble themselves when lovingly corrected or respond with defensiveness or pride? Are they open to Godly accountability? Gently share a biblical truth that challenges them especially if you see something in their behavior that is questionable demons don't like to hear no with that said how do they handle you telling them no? Watch their reaction is it one of humility or rebellion?

We want to make sure to discern their spiritual appetite. Matthew 5:6 says Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Do they crave the things of God? Is there real desire to grow, fast, pray, study Scripture and not just attend church? Suggest a Bible study together or pray together. See how naturally they engage or resists. Watch for their fruit, Matthew 7:16 says Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?  Fruit includes peace, patience, self-control, kindness, and honesty (Galatians 5:22–23). Is their life producing spiritual fruit or emotional confusion? This is where your own fruit of patience comes in. It takes Time. Don't rush. Observe their patterns and how they react to pressure, disappointment, or temptation. Also remember to ask spirit led questions like what has God shown you about marriage? What role does obedience play in your walk with Christ? Watch to see if what's being said matches what is being done. What is God convicting you of in this season? If the answer is nothing run like Joseph. We should always be growing and learning how to be more righteous before the Lord. He is ever teaching us rather or not we pay attention well that's another story isn't it? This is one of my favorites how do you hear from God? Here we are not looking for right or wrong answers but the attitude. Are they spiritually mature in the responses.

Next we can look at Mark 9:29 which says And He (Christ) said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting. Ask them to fast and pray with you. Come into agreement with the terms of the fast for clarity. Are they able to submit to spiritual discipline with you? If they avoid or mock it, it might reveal their spirit is not aligned with God. If they can't fast and pray this may mean that they are not spiritually mature or they may even be dealing with demonic influence. Another way to test the spirit would be to look for spiritual triggers. Are they uncomfortable when you talk about repentance, submission, sexual purity or God's order and roles for each spouse? Are there moments where you see her trying to control or manipulate? There is almost always a spirit behind this so pay attention fella's. Spiritual triggers are usually seen when truth is spoken. We can look at their response to the truth is it peaceful or resistant?

We have experienced so much in life that makes us even more cautious than we would like to be. However, with something as serious as a lifetime together we want to make sure we get this one right. The best thing we can always do after our observation of them is to take them to Holy Spirit. Pray daily that the Spirit of the Living God would show you the truth about this person. How do you feel? Do you have peace, clarity and does it feel that you are aligned with God's will, timing and order? If so walk forward cautiously and prayerfully. As a woman we are able to look also for how he talks about God, women, purity and money these are all topics that will show his level of spiritual maturity and intentions. Watch his prayer life, observe his humility, consistency and leadership abilities. Is he submitted to leadership( God, a mentor, pastor). Pay attention to how he and if he shows love, patience and maturity in the word. Another thing to look for, can he honestly tell you that he doesn't know? or would he rather be the one to answer you so, he makes something up even if its wrong? For those of us that truly desire a man that will lead test his boundaries. What does he have in place, what does he need to work on? If you say something that makes him uncomfortable or just hints at something almost disrespectful does he put you in your place with love or does anger arise? Let's say you test his boundaries on respect. Maybe you say something in front of others not anything too disrespectful but just something small, what happens? What does his body language say to you, does he get loud and angry if so run like Forrest Gump ok this man will bust you upside your head as soon as he feels disrespected. This shows he doesn't have any boundaries in place. Remember we teach others how to respect us and we cant fly off the handle to do that. We are called to walk in love and anger is not love. Brothers conveniently forget your wallet, will she pay or is she ready to go home and get your wallet? Its one thing if she doesn't have it but even in that she will respond in love. Watch her body language and eyes this will tell you everything. You don't want a woman in your life that can spend everyone else's money but not her own. What happens if a financial hardship hits will you sink or swim with this kind of behavior. This is a great time to remind ourselves we should be praying about who a person is to us when they enter our lives this helps the process so much more than you can imagine. With that said I pray that you are prosperous in your journey to obtain a Godly wife or husband and remember that majority of what is covered here cannot be faked. However, you do have some narcist and master manipulators that purposely look to deceive others in that case time is your best friend.